If you are new to therapy and have never talked to a professional about your emotions and your feelings, there are a few things you need to know to prepare for this journey.
Starting therapy and making the choice to feel better and live a better life may be the best decision you will ever make. However, you will certainly get the most out of it if you are able to fully commit to the journey and are prepared in advance for what you are about to encounter along the way.
Any form of therapy (talking to a professional about your thoughts, feelings and emotions) is quite hard. Generally we are not wired to be ok with being open and vulnerable to other people – let alone a stranger you have never met before.
It is normal that your first appointment is likely to begin with feelings of awkwardness and perhaps discomfort. Not to worry though, as often by the end of the session you’ll notice yourself feeling more relaxed and even a bit inspired for what will come next. You may leave your first appointment with a goal of the things you plan to work on in therapy. It’s not uncommon to experience an “ah-ha” moment during the first session, where things seem to make a little more sense (though, do not be discouraged if you don’t feel this way yet, as it may take several sessions to piece it all together, depending upon the complexity of the topics you are working through). Be aware that not everyone will leave their first appointment feeling excited and inspired for the journey, and that’s ok. Some may even leave thinking “what am I getting myself into?”. If that is you, don’t give up, a better more manageable life is within reach and you have taken the first steps!
What to expect after your second appointment? By now your therapist has probably made a connection with you, and understands what you are likely to need from therapy and how they can help you get there. This is when things start to get real! Before you know it you are talking about your past, parents, or childhood traumas and all your emotions that are linked to these things. You will probably feel uncomfortable maybe even a bit insecure. You might even think “Wow!, I am a mess and I didn’t even know it!”. Generally speaking, most everyone leaves their second (and several other appointments after this) feeling uncomfortable, maybe even sad or scared. It can be an affront to face these feelings you have spent your entire life trying to avoid, perhaps through negative coping mechanisms (that have been failing you). Try to remind yourself that this is precisely why you came to therapy in the first place.
– Its ok and these feelings are completely normal.
Most everyone feels this way leaving their first few appointments. In fact, I suggest that if you are leaving your initial therapy sessions without feeling some level of discomfort you might need to ask yourself if you have the right therapist; or perhaps even more honestly, if you really are committed to doing the work required to improve your life. It is surprisingly not uncommon for people to use therapy itself as yet just another (negative / non-productive) coping mechanism – one that allows another person to affirm for us what we wanted to hear, to make us feel better without having to change much at all. Self-reflection is a process and a journey, and it is one that requires honesty with oneself and commitment to do the heavy lifting that is sometimes required. So when preparing for this journey, prepare to feel bad and uncomfortable at first (But the good news is that it will get easier and better as time goes on, trust me).
So when will I start to feel better? This is not a question anyone can answer. Every person is different, and no-one can tell you how long it will take to fix the things that aren’t working in your life. What I can tell you is that you will know your therapy is starting to work when after a session you start to feel “yucky” for less time after the session. Lets say your second session was a big one, you really uncovered a lot of hidden things inside your closet and it took you an entire week to start feeling like yourself again (yes it can take days to shake off the discomfort of therapy in the beginning sessions). As time goes by, and the sessions accumulate, the “recovery time” it takes to shake off the negative feelings that were born through discovery begin to shorten. You feel “yucky” for shorter and shorter periods of time after each session. In time you will start to look forward to your sessions and your recovery time may completely dissolve. This is how you know you are well on your road to recovery and becoming the confident happy person you are seeking to realize.
What do you need to know to prepare for your therapy homework? Yes, you will be given homework! Homework is a good thing, it speeds up the process and there are many things you can do at home to help you along the journey. I like to think of it this way… suppose you are about to take a vacation to somewhere you have never been before. It would certainly be a benefit to familiarize yourself with roadmaps, landmarks and points of interest in order to develop a plan that allows you to get to everything you want to get to on the trip. Sure you could “wing it”, and hope you fit everything into the vacation, but it just makes sense to have a plan, to not waste time. Homework in therapy is much the same thing – building a plan to ensure you get to it all.
What will surprise you the most is how hard it is to find time to commit to this homework – not because you will be given a lot of work to do necessarily, or that the homework is particularly hard to do (though sometimes it can be); but rather, because you have probably spent years avoiding your emotions and feelings through procrastination and avoidance (negative/non productive coping mechanisms). You may find your mind becomes foggy when you start to do your homework, or you just cant concentrate. Truth is you can probably find a million little things that absolutely need to get done before you can start your homework. You’ll need to make time and try your best.
However, don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t get your homework done! Your therapist will not scold you or punish you. In fact they will be prepared for you not to get all, or any, of it done especially in the very beginning sessions of therapy. Don’t cancel or avoid your next session, its ok and you can use that session to catch up. You and your therapist may even spend some time discussing tips and tricks that may help you be better able to open up to yourself at home.
So really this at home work isn’t at all like scholastic homework, in the sense that it will be graded and there will be penalties if late. It’s more like something we do to help ourselves at a pace that is both as comfortable as possible while at the same time steadily driving progress. It is what you do for yourself, and it is both work and reward.
What if the homework is actually too hard to do by yourself, you just cant face it alone That’s ok too. Your therapist will work with you at your pace, they are there for you, to be supportive, and to offer the guidance you require through this journey.
To sum up how to prepare for therapy:
- Expect it to be a journey not a destination.
- Prepare for it to be hard work and know that in time it will get easier and easier.
- Expect to feel a bit worse before you start to feel better (two steps forward one step back, but feel confident that you are always moving forward).
- Homework will be hard, prepare to avoid and procrastinate even the simplest task. But don’t cancel your next appointment because you haven’t completed the homework! Homework will get easier as time goes on.
- Your therapist is not there to judge you. Be prepared to be open and 100% honest in your sessions.
Most importantly, DON’T GIVE UP! You are worth your time and effort. Once you fix what isn’t working for you and learn the tools to deal with life’s challenges you will have a more fulfilling, easier, and happier life.
Good luck on your journey and enjoy the final destination!
“The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year is being in a bad relationship for a year and one day.” Dr. Phil
“The only thing harder than working on our problems, is ignoring them.” Jody Adams
A New Era Therapy 